The Corporate Ladder

With only two people in my company, it would seem that I am forever doomed to the position of lackey. My boss, a 25 year veteran of the construction industry, will always cause my own experience in the field to look like child's play. Nevertheless, although there is only one person above me, there is a way for me to move up in standing: encourage my boss to contract out to other companies.

When my boss does this, for example on a big job where there is too much for us to do on our own, two things happen. On the one hand, my own slowness and inexperience become all the more obvious, as other veterans fly around doing perfect work. On the other, I become the number two guy on the project, becoming the go-to guy when Harold is off the site. The result is of course ridiculous. A veteran will approach me and ask, for example, if its OK if he knocks out a support on a wall so that he can do some other work. I have no idea, so I say "I really dont know." When the person misinterprets this as a request for more information, he'll say "I just want to get that board out of the way so I can do the work. Can I take it out?" And I will say "I really dont know. But Harold will be back any minute." The guy is confused and wanders off to do something else.

But other times I come out looking OK. For example, when the owner of the house told me that we left spaces between the roof trusses in order to fit in some dormers, then when the crane operator asks why there are spaces, I say, "That's where the trusses go." And if he says "Are you just framing the walls off the block?", I am doomed again.

Not too long ago Harold left the job site, and when I had finished my work, I took it upon myself to go around and let everyone know I was leaving. This seemed like a simple enough thing to do, even if it wasnt necessary. But even then I found myself overetended when I asked the heating and cooling guys if they were coming back the next week. They told me that they would be there for the next week and a few after that. Since I had no idea what they were doing, I just let it go at that. "Alright, I'm taking off."

But redemption came last week when I was loading some piles of broken brick into a trailer, and the head mason noticed my work. Seeing the trailer full to overflowing, he asked "Did you load all them brick?" and I said that I did. He made an appreciative face and nodded his approval. And I went off feeling great about myself. Too bad the trailer had already been full when I started putting the broken pieces on top. But hey - for once, I knew more than the veterans. Good thing he didnt ask me any more questions...

Silence

Silence deserves to be pondered. In one manner or another, it is our most constant companion. Sometimes it is welcomed, and sometimes it is shooed away. Often we seek it, creating a space, a temple, where silence seeks refuge. Other times we arm ourselves with instruments made to combat it. Silence haunts us; it is always possible, but we do not always know what to do with it.

My neighborhood is urban, quiet, and probably well-to-do. I just moved here, and so we are just now becoming acquainted, my neighborhood and I. This evening, the calm cool night invited me to go for a walk. I explained my intention to the members of my intentional community and slipped out the back door. As my heels lazily grazed the wooden deck steps, I left my house, and I entered my neighborhood. I hoped to be alone, but I expected to be disturbed by the noises of a city: the clicking of passing cycles, and the growl of automobiles out for a late-night joy ride. I was not expecting however, to find silence. It seemed to come from the trees, whose still leaves, glimmered in the artificial light of the street. As I looked up into the boughs above me, silence engulfed my thoughts focusing them intensely inward. The exterior world seemed to melt away, and I was alone, within myself. Silence gave me clarity. None of the problems circulating through my thoughts were solved, but by helping me acknowledge them intensely and personally, silence lightened my burden. I prayed for peacefulness, and before the words left my tongue, a cool warmth wrapped itself around me. I returned home smiling to myself.

Silence scares because it forces awareness. And the silence that comes from those with whom we are in relationship is especially scary because it forces an awareness of what cannot be known. They say nothing, and we want to assume what they may be thinking. Silence rips the bandage from our deepest insecurities, and leaves us wondering if we are truly respected and accepted. The difficulty being that we can never answer this wondering on our own; instead, we must wait for the other to break the silence. Silence filters the noise that distracts, and provides moments of possibility.

Tonight, as I walked into silence, I was running from it. I was running from the silence that hurts and belittles, the silence of enthusiastic ideas falling on deaf ears and mute lips. I left my house understanding silence to be a weapon, and I returned having been healed by it.

The Things Id Otherwise Forget

The air outside today was surprisingly cool. Its the kind of air that surprises you, comes up out of nowhere and makes you wish that you weren't working so hard. I was walking through the front yard of a big house today when it hit me - "The summer's gone" it said.

Of course its only for today. Tomorrow the heat will be back with a vengence. In the home remodeling business, which I've worked in for the last two years, the weather is always a factor. We work outside from March to January, from 100 degrees to 20, and sometimes through a light rain, sometimes even though a heavy rain. Once, having just finished painted the trim around the windows outside of a house, a rain storm came up out of nowhere. My boss and I stood holding plywood over a couple windows, watching as the light green paint started streaking down the tan siding, standing there until it decided to stop eight minutes later. It was easy enough to wipe off the siding afterward, but our windows needed a little touching up.

You never know when a rain shower is going to come out of light gray clouds. You also never know when blogs are going to start pouring forth from the mind of a writer. This blog is the first blush of a writing career I've always wanted to develop. Im hopeful that as I get going, it will develop into something as temperate as the weather in May and as bold as the man outside in January. Actually, Im only one of two writers, Micah Johnston being the other, who will be writing on this blog. And so, a word of welcome and an explanation. When Micah and I were in college, we had one rule - never rule anything out. That one binding law is the common starting point for this effort. And so without further ado, I leave you to decide how seriously we take that rule and what difference it makes, as I bring you "Don't Rule It Out."

-B